My name is Maria, I’m 31 years old, I grew up in the south of Russia and moved abroad for studying at the age of 16. I now live in Utrecht with my partner and a small corgi named Bilbo. I work in Marketing. I like to watch anime, play boardgames, dancing and meeting up with my friends.

There are two types of parents, ones that love their kid for who they are and those that share love only if their kid meets certain conditions, e.g. studies well, behaves well and supports parents. Growing up I experienced a lot of pressure to perform well at school. Being successful was my only goal. It was the only way I could make my parents happy and receive love and appreciation. Failing and making mistakes was met with emotional punishment and judgement. With age this became problematic. I focused so much on doing well and not at all on whether I was enjoying it. On the outside it looked like I was doing fine but inside I didn’t like what I was doing, I felt lost, lonely and depressed. Step by step, with the help of therapy, my partner and friends I started to confront my feelings. I’m now slowly discovering my interests, trying out new hobbies and volunteering. There is still a long road ahead of me, but I now feel much happier and satisfied with my life.

Your story probably won’t sound like mine. You might have different problems but I can guarantee you that we probably shared a lot of similar feelings growing up. If you’re feeling scared or lonely or angry, it really helps to talk to someone who has experienced it as well. If you’d like to chat, send me a message 🙂